Dear Monica

It was so nice to hear from you.

Thank you so much for remembering Yuko in such a positive way. She and I enjoyed so much working with you and Froma two years ago (I believe) in Tokyo. She became a professional interpreter about three years ago. As our children are growing up, Yuko wanted to fulfill the occupation she always wanted to become since childhood. It was very demanding, but she seemed to enjoy her work as an interpreter.

I organized the 15^th JAFT Annual conference last June. I wanted the conference to be international for the first time, and invited many guests from Asian countries. I asked Yuko again for the translation, and she did a marvelous work again.

I do not know how much our group had told you about the sudden death of Yuko. It was on January 3rd when our family was enjoying snow skiing as our annual recreation. Yuko and I had our last run around 3pm, when she suddenly fell down and lost consciousness without having no time to feel pain. I think we were lucky that we stayed closely together at the very last moment, kissing for hours for emergency respiration.

It was a sudden heart attack. Yuko had a aneurysm in her coronary arteries since childhood due to Kawasaki Disease. She had by-pass operation at the age of 25, one year after our marriage. Since then, she recovered very well, had a very happy family with three lovely children who are now 15 year old boy, 12 year old girl and 10 year old boy.

I am now in the middle of long and painful mourning process. I feel like moving on every day with having heavy burden on my shoulder in the last three months. I use every means of help that I can think of. I started to see a psychotherapist for the first time in my life. She is an American living here for a long time. It is nice and different to have therapy in the second language. I also keep writing my blog.

I started in Japanese, then, my therapist recommended to write in English so that more people can read. She said it would be nice to have the real time bereavement story written by a Japanese male, because people do not know much about them only to have stereotypical images of hardworking, Toyota, Honda, etc. So I will try to make it bilingual.

I realize there are so many books on the bereavement issue. She was right that most of them are written by females. I also skimmed through your edited book LIVNG BEYOND LOSS, but realized it is too early to read it. I would rather stay now on receiving side as a client than offering side as a therapist.

I wanted to come to Slovenia for IFTA with my international consultation group in March, but I had to cancel. I think I was insecurely attached to my children and could not leave them. I do not believe I can come to New Orleans for AFTA this year, but I hope to recover enough to come to IFTA and AFTA next year.

I really enjoyed being in the Men’s Institute in AFTA conference. I need that kind of group work where I can safely express my deep feeling. I like group work, and enjoyed Maurizio Andorfi’s work several years ago with Tazuko.

I am looking for a good group work for people who lost their partners. Men’s group and professional group would be preferable. I do not mind coming to overseas for an intensive work. Please let me know if you come across any kind of information.

Tikiさん、英語で書いてもいいのだけど、読んでいる方々にちゃんと説明しないと失礼よ。

わかった。じゃあ、優子訳してよ。

いやよ。こっちに来てまで仕事したくないわ。Tikiが書いたんだから、自分でやりなさいよ。

わかったよ。モニカさんは、世界的に有名な家族療法家で、２年前、日本に呼んで講演してもらったんですよ。そのとき、優子に通訳してもらって、とても良かったって。その後も、アメリカでの学会で何度か会って、知り合いになったのだけど、今回、３月の学会はパスして、同僚から優子の死のことを聞いて、メールくれたんです。それに対する返事がこれなんです。