Dear Maurizio

Thank you so much for your sincere letter. I was wondering why so many friends of our group know the death of Yuko and send me very warm e-mails. I thought was going to let you all know the saddest news in due course, but thank you Maurizio to let them know.

 I am not depressed. I can sleep, eat, look after the kids and go to work. I think I am hyper-active using all my energy to ease my deepest pain in my life. I showed you in Erice a Japanese tradition of meditation, the importance of silence to be in touch with our deep emotions. But I cannot keep my silence right now. I would be deeply depressed if I stop running.

Since we helped Pieter burry his father in Rome in 1997, I become very interested in my relationship with my father and, me as a father of three children. I started conversation with my father after I came back from Rome in 1997. We corresponded in the letter comparing our perspectives on our relationship of my childhood and adolescent, and found out how different our subjective experiences were on the same events of our life cycle. We had about ten long letters, and finally published it in a book in 2007. I am happy to present you if you can manage Japanese. The conversation in the book focuses father-son issue and mentioned very little about Yuko. I wrote in the post script; I could write about our relationship with my father because it was about my journey to adulthood, so in a sense it is already finished. My next task would be the same kind of conversation with my wife, but I could not do so yet because it is still on-going struggling process.

Now it is finished, so I started writing to Yuko in the form of blog in the internet. I role play Yuko in the blog to keep her alive. It is one of my hyper-active mourning works to get my sadness out. I made some parts in English so please visit if you can.

My father will be 80 in this summer. I live with my parents in the same three story house. When Yuko was alive, we manage to set the generational boundary. It is like two units of household, we have separate facilities like kitchens, living rooms, bathrooms. But since Yuko’s death, the door is kept open and became one extended family. My mother does the laundry and kitchen, and my father looks after the children. My smallest child Eugene is 10 years old. Our culture allows parents and child to stay close in bedroom. Eugene used to come to our bedroom, but realized want to separate from us. But he does not want to sleep alone in his own bed, so he decided to sleep with his ground parents about a year ago. I feel relieved to realize Eugene had not completely lost his primary attachment even Yuko died.

 Since our group in Maurizio in 1997, I like to be in a nice supportive group. I like to attend Men’s Institute at the AFTA (American Family Therapy Academy). It is men’s only group of family therapists to meet one evening during the conference. Although I missed the Oaxaca meeting, I am still active in the international conferences. I became the board member of IFTA (International Family Therapy Association), although I had to miss this year’s conference in Slovenia in March.

I wish we could meet again as a group. It is only three months since Yuko’s death, but I know it is a looong standing mourning journey, and I want your presence to go through this difficult process. 

はい、また英語です。前の「父との往復書簡」本にも書いたんだけど、アンドルフィ・マウリッチオローマの家族療法家。彼のところで２週間、経験した集中グループワークはその後の僕の人生にも大きな影響を与えたんですよ。そのうち、Maurizioと、一緒にグループをやって仲良くなった１０人くらいの仲間にも優子のことは知らせようと思ってはいたのだけどまだでした。そしたら、突然仲間たちからメールと、彼から手紙がきて、優子のことを悼んでくれました。IFTAの会議で、僕の仲間たちから優子の話題が出たみたい。なんか、世界中で優子風が吹き渡っているよ。こりゃすごいな！！