Nostalgia to Sadness

We explore our emotions deeply in our MKP meeting. Last night, I found myself in the group to be less sad than I used to be a year ago. The 一周忌 in last January was very good opportunity for me and all the people there to process our emotion. I have been successful with my mourning journey in that sense, but at the same time, I want to be in touch with my sadness more than I am now. Sadness is the only means I can feel close to Yuko. Loneliness comes in when I am not with 優子. Sadness prevents me from deep sense of isolation. I am physically and rationally ready for a new relationship, but emotionally not. I still want to be with 優子 more than anybody else.

なんか、最近、思うように悲しみが出て来ないんだよなあ。

それは悲哀の仕事をうまくこなしているという良い兆しなんだけど、同時に、まだ悲しみは離したくないなあ。だって、悲しみを忘れたら、優子を忘れることになるから。