Dear Sharon

I just want to tell you how much I feel supported to know somebody thinks about me and my pain, even though you are so far away and do not share the everyday life.

I am fine.
My kids are fine too.
I can use my energy to my work and childcare as much as I used to.
As a single parent, I feel more close to my children.
A beagle puppy came to our family last week. Yuma became his 'mother' and takes good care of him. Zen stated to go to his new high school from April and busy playing in the volleyball team. Eugene is now 10 and enjoy his gymnastic team.
I can be a good father to the kids. I think I have been rather hyperactive to cope with my deep pain. I sometimes feel like running around like a crazy clown over the last 6 months.
The pain stays unchanged deep in my mind. I see my therapist regularly, write my blog to get my emotions out, meet friends, read all kinds of books like novels and professional books on mourning work... I thought I knew how to work on my mourning process, and I have been trying my best. I know they help a lot, but still, my pain stays.

It is a kind of pain that I still wish Yuko is alive, I dream about her. My memory of her last moment flashes back even when I keep my concentration. Yuko and I were skiing when she suddenly fell down, lost consciousness and breath at once. I tried to rescue her by mouth to mouth for hours in vain.

I also remember her good memories. It was four years ago when we went to Toronto and saw you. You and Becky took great care of our kids, went up to the CN tower. We had very nice dinner in an Italian restaurant downtown Toronto. This picture is not a very good one, but it is the only one with Yuko at the restaurant.

I don't know what I want to say to you. I guess I just wanted to let you know how I am doing/feeling now. Thank you for being with me. It is very reassuring for me.

Tiki.